Spinster Love: White Grape Juice

In a recent phone conversation with my dad, I was told that I come from a family of "people of extremes." I can't disagree that I'm a chip off the old block where obsessions are concerned. In fact, if it weren't for Netflix, I'm fairly sure I would be on TLC's My Strange Addiction for some weird behavior or other. Thankfully, though, Netflix, Buzzfeed, and the internet at large have me pretty much covered. That is, where entertaining myself is concerned.

While entertainment is where I manifest most of my obsessive and extreme behavior, I find that sometimes my consumption needs to take a more physical turn. By physical I mean eating. Chocolate  is, of course, always in the mix and will always be in my heart and belly, but drinking chocolate isn't as addictive as one might think. No, for my beverage of choice - one that can be had morning, noon or night without shame - I choose white grape juice.

Of course, red (or purple) grape juice is just fine, but functionally it's riskier than white grape juice. It stains. I also find it's quite a bit sweeter. Therefore, white grape juice is just far superior in most regards.

Without comparing white grape juice to other, lesser, grape juices, let's discuss its many virtues. Below you'll find the top five.

1. It doesn't stain, and when you eat the vast majority of your meals on furniture not traditionally categorized as "dining room furniture," this is really an important distinction.

2. It's sweet but not too sweet. I like to say it's both sweet and tart. This means you can still eat it with chocolate without wincing at the clashing tastes.

3. It has a nice viscosity. I know that wine drinkers like to talk about their drinks having "legs," and sometimes I think my white grape juice does have legs. Whether or not it does, however, is immaterial. White grape juice is the perfect texture for sipping without gulping, which means I'm likely to drink less at any given time.

4. It's a pretty color. I like how white grape juice is translucent and shows light well. It's kind of like drinking jewelry.

5. The jugs are reusable. Usually in South Carolina when you're charged with bringing the sweet tea to a party, you'll wash out a plastic gallon jug like the ones in which you would buy milk. However, when I was in New York, I found these particularly problematic as their tips aren't exactly airtight. The white grape juice jug is a perfect fix for this problem as it has a screw-on top, a much larger mouth than your standard milk jug, and it goes through the dishwasher well.

And that is why you should go have some white grape juice today. Personally, I prefer Welch's and think it's heads and tails above all others. But, if you find yourself questioning my judgment, I suggest you have your own white grape juice tasting at home.